by Hansa
Have you ever noticed students in class deeply in love with the physical experience of yoga. Then there are a few students who realize there is something more to yoga than just postures. My journey falls into the latter category, although I did not know it in the beginning.
I was formally introduced to yoga by Raj Mangarat Rai in Hull, Massachusetts in 1984. Prior to meeting Raj I had read a yoga book and tried to do the yoga sequences. Something did not seem quite right as I tried to do the suggested flows so I gave up. I tried aerobics which I enjoyed thoroughly. As a traveling sales person, I couldn't do aerobics in my hotel room. I thought yoga might be a solution to the need to work out. Yoga was one of those "things" that still intrigued me. I did want to lose some weight, keep fit and not be tied to aerobic classes and Raj's private sessions were affordable.
The private sessions were excellent. I did not realize until years later the blessings I received by beginning yoga one on one with a personal teacher. The following year I began doing weekend retreats and group classes at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health.
I took on an internal competition by being in group classes which fed my ego, competitive spirit and desire to do better -- another awareness that I did not "get" for several more years. Eventually, I became a certified Kripalu Yoga Teacher.
Yoga, in the beginning, was a way to manipulate my body, although I defined it as flexibility. My goal was to attain a slim waist, firm thighs, the picture perfect posture and all the "important things."
Something started to happen in my yoga practice. Sadness came up in the middle of holding a posture. A memory of a joyful time sprang forth in another asana. An insight surfaced as a teacher guided another movement. I could breathe. I couldn't breathe. Flowing to another position came spontaneously as did resistance to another posture. Thankfully, Kripalu teachers had the insights to guide me into an understanding that: The body is the silent communicator of the Spirit.
Understanding yoga became more than how the muscles feel with various body movements. I felt my body and asked questions: Was the restriction in a back bend physical or was I afraid of leaning into my past? Were my shoulders curved to protect my heart or taking in a breath of life? I contemplated. Interpretations and answers came. I began healing myself and connecting to Spirit through body awareness.
It was necessary for my mind to make sense of the body experiences. Scriptures became my friend. Yogasana was only one tool to be with the body, I discovered and am still discovering. I delved into the writings on meditation, pranayama, chakras, meridians, body reading, mudras, doshas, koshas in the yogic texts I discovered that there are ancient time-tested truths to my experiences and insights and techniques to assist in the integration of the insights.
I continually explore the available tools. The essence that allows the technique to assist in growth is awareness versus rote action. The sensations, blocks to postures and pranayamas are messages. There are ways to interpret the insights through consciousness and awareness -- not just on the mat, in daily life also!
The ability to be aware of the power of yoga practices and manifest the depth in right livelihood deepens through meditation -- the time out to listen so we can live through the call of Spirit, not mental contriving and controlling. Many times I sat and attempted to find quiet mind in meditation only to hear a busy mind. I joked about being a type-A meditator who meditated better ironing, washing dishes and hiking than sitting. Meditation is a state of mind rather than an action, I assured myself.
I believed this is true and during the time of justifying my practice, I was not at peace with the practice.
I knew there was more to meditation. Eventually, I was able to realize the busy mind is another message of
"things“ I want to do" which prevent me from listening to
the Beloved. Through acceptance, rather than resistance to "the voices," continual practice, integration of balancing pranayamas and use of a meditative techniques appropriate for my energy, I found peace in my meditative experience.
Consciousness is practiced on the mat in the format of asana, pranayama and meditation. Consciousness becomes a way of life as sadhana, diet and lifestyle adapts and allows witnessing and awareness to integrate into daily living. Off the mat, consciousness is the key for a fulfilling life and, I find, is more challenging than yoga on the mat.
Weaving together experiences including a personal yoga practice, teaching yoga and doing therapeutic body work has confirmed that bodies are very loud and can be read. For me, this has become the essence of my yoga practice: to be quiet enough to be heard. If only we all could be heard . . .
I attempt to share the art and science, depth and breadth of yoga in my yoga classes. Recently, I began offering a Yoga Teacher Training Program and it has only served to introduce me to another level of yoga and my journey continues . . .
